EFct with ambivalent couple

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Written by Winny Lu Aldridge, Certified EFCT Supervisor and Therapist

Some couples experience moments of ambivalence about whether to stay in a relationship or part ways. When emotions run high, making decisions can feel overwhelming. Couple Counselling offers valuable support during these challenging times. One evidence-based approach, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT), focuses on identifying emotional patterns, strengthening connection, and fostering understanding between partners. EFT provides a structured framework for couples to explore their feelings in a way that promotes clarity and emotional healing, helping them make thoughtful decisions about their relationship.

The EFT model was developed to help couples recognize and transform negative emotional patterns that erode intimacy. It emphasizes the role of emotions in shaping each partner’s thoughts, behaviors, and needs. Through EFT, couples learn to connect on a deeper emotional level, fostering empathy and understanding. The ultimate goal is to strengthen the emotional bond and improve the couple’s ability to respond to each other with care—whether they decide to rebuild their relationship or part ways.

1. Identifying Emotional Patterns

• EFT helps couples recognize the emotional cycles that lead to misunderstandings and disconnection.
• By identifying negative interaction patterns, couples gain insight into how these patterns contribute to their ambivalence.

2. Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability

• In EFT, therapists provide a safe space where couples can express their deeper emotions—such as fear, shame, or longing—that often lie beneath anger or frustration.
• This non-judgmental environment allows partners to move beyond surface-level arguments and connect on a more meaningful level.

3. Exploring Attachment Needs and Fears

• A key component of EFT is helping couples identify and understand their attachment needs, such as feeling valued, cared for, and competent. Many couples facing ambivalence struggle with unmet emotional needs, which may have led to feelings of insecurity or disconnection.
• EFT helps partners address fears, such as fear of rejection and feelings of inadequacy. It promotes a better understand of each other’s needs. This process foster mutual support and understanding in the relationship. 

4. Fostering Empathy and Emotional Responsiveness

• Through EFT, couples develop empathy and emotional responsiveness, enabling them to recognize each other’s struggles and vulnerabilities.
• This empathy helps build trust, allowing partners to reduce emotional pain and reconnect with one another.

5. Providing Clarity for Decision-Making

• Whether couples choose to stay together or part ways, EFT ensures that decisions are made thoughtfully, with both partners’ emotions and needs considered.
• No one is forced to stay or leave; the focus is on mutual, respectful decision-making, where both partners work together to reach a decision.
• If the couple chooses to rebuild the relationship, EFT provides tools to enhance emotional connection and communication.
• If separation is the best option, EFT ensures the process is handled with care, especially when children are involved, reducing emotional distress and pain for everyone.